What is happiness?

What is happiness? I'm trying to find and understand what it is.

Clearly, what I had in mind is extremely different with what my parents had in mind. And yet they keep forcing me do things their way.

It makes me question myself all the time. What the actual fuck is happiness?

Here we go again

Parents pushing me to get a girlfriend, get a job blah blah blah. Life just feels really rushed and I don't seem to have the time to slow it down even a little bit to enjoy/explore it.

It's not like I haven't had girlfriend(s) before. They just don't know it and they keep acting like I don't know shit. But the truth is. I do know. And it hurts.Every damn time I'm reminded of it.

There's always this moment of spark that tells me to talk to that girl. But then I think it's futile. What really is the point of it all?

I've been there, done that but I know it doesn't suck.

Every time I think of relationships I'm reminded: What's good about me?

Cos you know. I've been questioned exactly that. What's good about me?
I've asked a girl. What's good about me? They said I don't know. Maybe sometimes you like someone just because. Who knows.

I've been told by a girl. I can list many things about you that I don't like about you, but I don't know why I still like you.

And those words hurt in a way. In a profound way. A way that makes me question everyday. What makes a good person? What makes them likeable? What makes them attractive? What separates you from me.

I honestly don't know. Just gunna leave Michael's new song before the end of this post. From what google translate tells me, it's meant to be a positive outlook on life and loneliness. Taking those moments of self time to enjoy those brief moments in life each day. But it just sounds so sad...

A post from the past

It's so pretty right :D

My little sister told me that

My little sister told me that there's a "fashion" trend in Korea where the people would undergo surgery to insert more fat at the bottom of their eyes to look cuter.

And it made me wonder where the hell they got that idea from.

But yesterday, I cried and it made me realise. The eye look occurs when you're crying. Why's it cute when someone is crying. You don't wanna see someone cry right

I am a brother

My little sis would often make fun of me..

You don't talk to this girl, you don't talk to that girl any more, she would say and she'd throw in a laugh

You like this drama because you've been in that guy's position. You're confused, she would say and throw in a laugh

When are you gonna get a girlfriend? We might think you're gay, my parents would say (I'm not gay)

And each time they say that, I can only fake a smile. But deep down I am actually really confused and I can't show it to them. And it hurts a lot every time I'm reminded.

To my siblings, I am a big brother. To them and to everyone, I am a very cheery dude always cracking jokes. I love that part of me but..


Thank you to whoever that's reading. I'm glad there's someone listening :)

And I think that someone is you my primary school friend. Sorry I haven't been in contact.

Fox Rain

The drama's called "My girlfriend is a gumiho". I really like it because there are so many metaphorical interpretations for it.

And although Mi Ho is a gumiho, she wants to become a human.

In life, we search for our purpose. A lot of us try to find what it takes to be a human. I know I am.

"I really really like you so so so much," she says. Is there are a purpose to those words for me any more? I haven't felt it in such a long time.

Another thought in bed

I started a Korean drama. It's probably my only exception for watching dramas.

And it made me think a lot. I've been up a lot, really late just thinking.

I'm really hurt and I don't know how to fix it. It hasn't been the same ever since.

Can you tell me a story?