My Nightmares And My Depression

Amazing.. Nightmares.. Dreams.. Such wonderful things.

Today, I woke up at around 4 am and couldn't manage to sleep again until for an hour or so. Within this time it had made me think a lot.

Now why did I even wake up at 4 am in the morning?

I don't know.. I felt so happy yet so sad at the same time..

It was a nightmare or dream.

Within that nightmare, I was able to let go of all the anger that I had kept in me. It felt good.. But I had paid a massive price for that. This massive price had led me to being depressed. Of course, in the end, somehow I managed to smile and laugh, thanks to my friends.

That's right.. You could say that 'friends' is the main topic of this blog.

In my opponion, the best friends you could ever get are the ones in high school - where you will share most of your experiences in camps, classes, lunches, etc.

The best friend you could ever get is the one that you can look for when you are in trouble. One that understands you. My friends don't really understand me, but they cheer me up even at the worse occasions. Maybe that's probably who I am.

Back to the dream.

So I had let out all my anger, and someone was badly injured. Then I had lost something very important to me. But when I was walking in the fields, I saw my friend Richard and Frank, and they woke me up from that nightmare..

I don't know but, this could be a sign for me :).

All I can say is, a good friend is one that you can rely on when you are in trouble. It's just that you shouldn't stab them in the back for any reason.

Moving onto the next topic of this blog, mainly my feelings..

Recently, I have been unable to sleep properly.. Why? I do believe that I am suffering from depression.

I have had fatigue and tiredness on very random occasions, and even, headaches. Even right now as I am typing this, I begin to feel dizzy.

I'm beginning to feel worried about myself. I can't sleep, I can't eat very well.

If you haven't noticed, I do not eat much except an apple at school.
I skip breakfast in the morning, and the only thing I usually have is dinner. Sounds fun aye? Strangely, I don't feel hungry at all..

All I ever do is sit there, and think about the worst that could happen.

Maybe I just worry tooooooooo much.

I have the fear of hurting others, and the fear of losing the ones I love.