I'm a different person now.. At least I think I am. A bit optimistic maybe? A little too optimistic perhaps?
Maybe.
But sometimes.. I just feel like there's a part of me. Tugging at me. It's telling me to doubt. It tells me to distrust. It tells me to close myself from others.
I'm actually afraid I'll be that person again.. but when I do feel like this I tell myself: There's no reason to.
And oddly enough it makes me feel better.. usually.
And at times like this, I feel like writing. Which is probably why I don't post as much anymore despite the promises. This blog to me.. seems like some kind of dissatisfaction about myself.
For a while I haven't felt like that cos I've kept that person away because there's simply no reason to be that person.
But I feel like it tugs at me every day, waiting to resurface and hate all around me.
Friday, December 25, 2015
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Friday, September 25, 2015
Monday, August 17, 2015
How do you spell love?
I used to go to martial arts classes. Roughly in year 10 till early year 11 I think. After I stopped the Master went back to Vietnam. He stayed there for a while.
Time skip.
Until recently, I haven't heard much from the group or the Master. One of my friends invited me to a small reunion with the Master. Apparently lots had happened to the Master since he went back to Vietnam. I respect him a lot, and I would never have thought he'd get himself in such big trouble. That's besides the post today.
He would often give us life lectures.
On the evening that we had dinner, he asked us: How do you spell love?
There was silence, no one knew the answer. No one knew what he was going to say.
And then he said: T-I-M-E.
Time is so precious for us human beings. For a brief period, I remember talking about Shakespeare and his messages about time. As humans, we have so little time. Money can't buy time and it definitely can't save us from the inevitable: death.
But what's time gotta do with love?
From my understanding of what he said, time is what you spend with those you love. I can't argue with that at all.
This message reminded me of the first time I bought a present for someone whom I believed to mean a lot to me. I scoured the shops of Liverpool, one after another. It took a long time. In the end, I bought something that I believed was beautiful. It was cheap but I trusted that it was the right gift. I still look back on that day every now and thought about the time and effort put into buying that present.
It contrasted a lot with another time when I was buying a present for another person. It didn't feel right. I felt lazy and didn't want to hand over the gift at all. In the end, I did and I look back on that too. It still doesn't feel right. I didn't spend enough time and effort for it. I had grown lazy and hated myself.
I don't want to be like that any more. I want to change that, and so I will.
Time skip.
Until recently, I haven't heard much from the group or the Master. One of my friends invited me to a small reunion with the Master. Apparently lots had happened to the Master since he went back to Vietnam. I respect him a lot, and I would never have thought he'd get himself in such big trouble. That's besides the post today.
He would often give us life lectures.
On the evening that we had dinner, he asked us: How do you spell love?
There was silence, no one knew the answer. No one knew what he was going to say.
And then he said: T-I-M-E.
Time is so precious for us human beings. For a brief period, I remember talking about Shakespeare and his messages about time. As humans, we have so little time. Money can't buy time and it definitely can't save us from the inevitable: death.
But what's time gotta do with love?
From my understanding of what he said, time is what you spend with those you love. I can't argue with that at all.
This message reminded me of the first time I bought a present for someone whom I believed to mean a lot to me. I scoured the shops of Liverpool, one after another. It took a long time. In the end, I bought something that I believed was beautiful. It was cheap but I trusted that it was the right gift. I still look back on that day every now and thought about the time and effort put into buying that present.
It contrasted a lot with another time when I was buying a present for another person. It didn't feel right. I felt lazy and didn't want to hand over the gift at all. In the end, I did and I look back on that too. It still doesn't feel right. I didn't spend enough time and effort for it. I had grown lazy and hated myself.
I don't want to be like that any more. I want to change that, and so I will.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Misunderstanding
It's so hard to understand but so easy to misunderstand.
I made one of my students cry. I didn't mean to, of course not.
I knew what I did was wrong but I knew there was a lot of misunderstanding between us. I don't think the student saw it my way. I saw it their way and why they cried but I never acted. I never communicated to them. I should have because I always say to myself that talking is the best way of clearing misunderstandings.
But I didn't..
I'm sorry.
I made one of my students cry. I didn't mean to, of course not.
I knew what I did was wrong but I knew there was a lot of misunderstanding between us. I don't think the student saw it my way. I saw it their way and why they cried but I never acted. I never communicated to them. I should have because I always say to myself that talking is the best way of clearing misunderstandings.
But I didn't..
I'm sorry.
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Good read
http://www.smh.com.au/world/golden-child-jennifer-pans-gruesome-plot-after-web-of-lies-uncovered-20150728-gilsm8?&utm_source=social&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=nc&eid=socialn%3Afac-14omn0013-optim-nnn%3Anonpaid-25062014-social_traffic-all-organicpost-nnn-smh-o&campaign_code=nocode&promote_channel=social_facebook
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Sit back for a long post
Haven't done one of these in a while. Not sure if it's the drinking that makes me think. Or maybe I just don't have anything better to do when I'm going out. It's probably why I hate going out, it's surprisingly when I think the most). Sitting on the comp.. well time just flies and you just get stuck in what you're doing and you tend to forget.
Anyways, this blog is some sort of cliched reflection sort of thing. Meh I guess. Let's go on with the post anyways.
Shit.. I always forget what I was going to write about just as I sit here.
So my life.. I've been really concerned about the future.. except I don't really seem to do much about it. It amazes me how well people get along with their life while I'm just.. sitting here being unproductive. Yeah.. people get to places.
So let's begin with what my life's sorta about.
Parents want me to acquire knowledge and using the knowledge become successful in life. Then games came into my life. I wouldn't say I'm bad with either and I probably could excel in one if I just focused, but I don't. I'm not naturally smart, definitely not. And I do know naturally smart when I see it and I'm definitely not that. I'm just one of those that learn quickly (usually) and apply. Not a critical thinker though and I wish I was. Smart people are critical thinkers (so I've been told at least, and I don't disagree to be honest).
I mean, I have screwed up non-school related exams so that probably says something. Or maybe it says something about the way I think? Who knows. Things are complicated and me thinking about them doesn't seem to make it any better.
So what I really wanted to say was, I've always wanted to try gaming as a professional. Or maybe something gaming related. I love games. They say you should follow your passion. I enjoy games and interacting with others in these communities. So what if I had followed some gaming-related path instead of science? Who knows. I've just been told that I should be growing out of games and that they get me nowhere, but hey, there are jobs, and heaps of them.
Dad says gamers don't make money for a living but E-sports (electronic sports) is becoming a thing, and professional gamers are slowly being recognised as professional, legitimate"athletes". They don't earn as much but they're still enjoying what they're doing right? And it's also funny because one of the games I play have been aired on Vietnamese TV and Dad actually sees it, but I don't think his perception's changed one bit. He's tunnel-visioned on the academic side of earning a living.
So why'd I start thinking about this?
Well... I follow a couple of YouTubers that play the same games I do and it just so happens that there was this guy. His channel gained success from playing video games and he gained lots of views and subscribers. After two years or so (I think) he just lost passion for it and he started branching out to other games. He stopped making videos for the game he originally played and he started getting less viewers and people started unsubscribing. Where's he now?
After about 5 months, he posted a video with an update. He stopped gaming completely and actually got back to one of his older passions which is programming. He's been dedicating heaps of time to it. Waking up early, going to day job (not full time I'm assuming) and learning so he could get a proper job. He moved onto the next 'phase' of life, away from gamin. And a big part of me wishes that this phase just "comes" to me. I don't think that's possible.People say that you'll mature and grow out of things. Maybe I took it too literally or maybe not.
People sure do get to places huh.
It kinda saddens me though. Youtuber moves along with life and I'm still sitting here seeming as though I'm stuck in the past. And that's just classic me, being stuck in the past. I watch his videos, stop because he stopped making the videos I like and now he's programming. I'm still gonna check up on his channel though because he's seemed to have made a connection with me (despite being somewhat relatively non-existent).
Which draws on another point. Check on your friends every now and then. Say 'hi' even. You never know what's happened to them during all the time that has passed. Maybe one day, you might not be able to because something bad happened and you might end up regretting.
Which reminds me of something that happened a couple of days ago. Some context first. I came to Australia and restarted primary school. In year 1, my english still sucked by I distinctly remember a time I was put in detention (I think) for absolutely no reason. I was a lonely kid with no friends and there were a bunch of other students from my class poking at me. I couldn't reply and the next thing I know, I was in trouble with a teacher. She got one of the year 6's (I believe) to talk to me in Vietnamese and it got nowhere from what I recall. The same dude still lives a few streets away from me. I saw him when he transitioned into high school. I saw him grow very quickly but remain the skinny himself. No I'm not a stalker, I just remember him for some weird reason. And last week coming home from Uni, I saw him again, at least I think it was. The facial features and him being skinny it was the exact same thing. I really wanted to say hi to him.. and part of saying hi is not being afraid or nervous.
I need to develop that :).
Anyways, this blog is some sort of cliched reflection sort of thing. Meh I guess. Let's go on with the post anyways.
Shit.. I always forget what I was going to write about just as I sit here.
So my life.. I've been really concerned about the future.. except I don't really seem to do much about it. It amazes me how well people get along with their life while I'm just.. sitting here being unproductive. Yeah.. people get to places.
So let's begin with what my life's sorta about.
Parents want me to acquire knowledge and using the knowledge become successful in life. Then games came into my life. I wouldn't say I'm bad with either and I probably could excel in one if I just focused, but I don't. I'm not naturally smart, definitely not. And I do know naturally smart when I see it and I'm definitely not that. I'm just one of those that learn quickly (usually) and apply. Not a critical thinker though and I wish I was. Smart people are critical thinkers (so I've been told at least, and I don't disagree to be honest).
I mean, I have screwed up non-school related exams so that probably says something. Or maybe it says something about the way I think? Who knows. Things are complicated and me thinking about them doesn't seem to make it any better.
So what I really wanted to say was, I've always wanted to try gaming as a professional. Or maybe something gaming related. I love games. They say you should follow your passion. I enjoy games and interacting with others in these communities. So what if I had followed some gaming-related path instead of science? Who knows. I've just been told that I should be growing out of games and that they get me nowhere, but hey, there are jobs, and heaps of them.
Dad says gamers don't make money for a living but E-sports (electronic sports) is becoming a thing, and professional gamers are slowly being recognised as professional, legitimate"athletes". They don't earn as much but they're still enjoying what they're doing right? And it's also funny because one of the games I play have been aired on Vietnamese TV and Dad actually sees it, but I don't think his perception's changed one bit. He's tunnel-visioned on the academic side of earning a living.
So why'd I start thinking about this?
Well... I follow a couple of YouTubers that play the same games I do and it just so happens that there was this guy. His channel gained success from playing video games and he gained lots of views and subscribers. After two years or so (I think) he just lost passion for it and he started branching out to other games. He stopped making videos for the game he originally played and he started getting less viewers and people started unsubscribing. Where's he now?
After about 5 months, he posted a video with an update. He stopped gaming completely and actually got back to one of his older passions which is programming. He's been dedicating heaps of time to it. Waking up early, going to day job (not full time I'm assuming) and learning so he could get a proper job. He moved onto the next 'phase' of life, away from gamin. And a big part of me wishes that this phase just "comes" to me. I don't think that's possible.People say that you'll mature and grow out of things. Maybe I took it too literally or maybe not.
People sure do get to places huh.
It kinda saddens me though. Youtuber moves along with life and I'm still sitting here seeming as though I'm stuck in the past. And that's just classic me, being stuck in the past. I watch his videos, stop because he stopped making the videos I like and now he's programming. I'm still gonna check up on his channel though because he's seemed to have made a connection with me (despite being somewhat relatively non-existent).
Which draws on another point. Check on your friends every now and then. Say 'hi' even. You never know what's happened to them during all the time that has passed. Maybe one day, you might not be able to because something bad happened and you might end up regretting.
Which reminds me of something that happened a couple of days ago. Some context first. I came to Australia and restarted primary school. In year 1, my english still sucked by I distinctly remember a time I was put in detention (I think) for absolutely no reason. I was a lonely kid with no friends and there were a bunch of other students from my class poking at me. I couldn't reply and the next thing I know, I was in trouble with a teacher. She got one of the year 6's (I believe) to talk to me in Vietnamese and it got nowhere from what I recall. The same dude still lives a few streets away from me. I saw him when he transitioned into high school. I saw him grow very quickly but remain the skinny himself. No I'm not a stalker, I just remember him for some weird reason. And last week coming home from Uni, I saw him again, at least I think it was. The facial features and him being skinny it was the exact same thing. I really wanted to say hi to him.. and part of saying hi is not being afraid or nervous.
I need to develop that :).
So Naive
By Michael Wong. When I first heard this song I was addicted to it. Didn't really know what it meant. Just listened to it over and over again. Now I've found the translated lyrics. Pretty good.
Monday, April 13, 2015
Somewhere only we know
Saw the movie of this. Won't say it was the best. Cliched as hell, but there was an important bit of dialogue.
Story is set in Prague. The main character is a single father who has to take care of his mother. He falls in love with some girl that came from China. Girl goes back to China and he wants to convince her to stay but he has a dilemma. House isn't in such a great shape with his mother being sick. He's got a lot of duties.
But he was really worried that he couldn't take care of the girl. So at one point he just gave up.
Eventually though, he just learns that you should just see how things goes and not worry about the future. I guess I've been trying to adopt a mindset like that, but it's hard.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Ahh yes... :)
我 说 了 所有 的 谎
你 全 都 相信
简单 的 我爱你
你 却 老 不 信
你 书 里 的 剧情 我 不 想 上演
因为 我 喜欢 喜剧 收尾
我 试 过 完美 放弃
的确 很 踏 实
醒来 了 梦 散 了
你 我 都 走 散 了
情歌 的 词 何必 押 韵
就算 我 是 k 歌 之 王
也 不见得 把 爱情 唱 得 完美
只 能 说 我 输 了
也许 是 你 怕 了
我们的 回忆 没有 皱 折
你 却 用 离开 烫 下 句 点
只 能 说 我 认 了
你的 不安 得到 你 信任
我 却 得到 你 安慰 的 淘汰
你 全 都 相信
简单 的 我爱你
你 却 老 不 信
你 书 里 的 剧情 我 不 想 上演
因为 我 喜欢 喜剧 收尾
我 试 过 完美 放弃
的确 很 踏 实
醒来 了 梦 散 了
你 我 都 走 散 了
情歌 的 词 何必 押 韵
就算 我 是 k 歌 之 王
也 不见得 把 爱情 唱 得 完美
只 能 说 我 输 了
也许 是 你 怕 了
我们的 回忆 没有 皱 折
你 却 用 离开 烫 下 句 点
只 能 说 我 认 了
你的 不安 得到 你 信任
我 却 得到 你 安慰 的 淘汰
Monday, April 6, 2015
Sorry I haven't been posting
This blog was originally made so then I can sort of.. contemplate. It's like a diary. It seems like I've stopped writing but I haven't.
I think one could say that I was riddled with emotions.. half of which were unhappiness. And then I'd post it here.
I guess now, I don't post as much because I sorta found my place. I feel like I don't care about things as much any more. It's not really that I don't care. It's more of a realisation that it exists, that it's just there. What's "it"? A lot of things. But I do try to be a lil more optimistic with things.
I love Chinese songs. I remember a friend of mine hearing this song randomly. He said he didn't understand a single word but he just felt that it was really sad.
It's a good song :]. Stay in touch, will write about Vietnam soon but it felt like everything that happened while I was there felt superficial which is probably why I'm really hesitant to write about it.
I think one could say that I was riddled with emotions.. half of which were unhappiness. And then I'd post it here.
I guess now, I don't post as much because I sorta found my place. I feel like I don't care about things as much any more. It's not really that I don't care. It's more of a realisation that it exists, that it's just there. What's "it"? A lot of things. But I do try to be a lil more optimistic with things.
I love Chinese songs. I remember a friend of mine hearing this song randomly. He said he didn't understand a single word but he just felt that it was really sad.
It's a good song :]. Stay in touch, will write about Vietnam soon but it felt like everything that happened while I was there felt superficial which is probably why I'm really hesitant to write about it.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Damn..
http://www.godfruits.com/9820/man-wanted-divorce-wife-with-cancer-story.php?ref=8d129t44p
She must have been so strong to be able to pull that off..
Is love stupid sometimes? One could say it is. But.. that's what being human is all about right? Sometimes, being stupid might just be worth it.
She must have been so strong to be able to pull that off..
Is love stupid sometimes? One could say it is. But.. that's what being human is all about right? Sometimes, being stupid might just be worth it.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Back to this song
Shit this song really hits me and makes me sad :(. The lyrics are so sad :( but I don't understand all of it
Sorry I haven't been posting... I do have things in mind. Very big things but it'll take time to actually get it all down and I'm not really in the mood for that.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
What's up ahead
Well.. I'm still being lazy hahahahahahhaha. I'll try to stop..
What's up ahead with this blog?
Well.. I guess.. around this time I went back to Vietnam.. so I guess you can expect me to post about my journey there.
And the name of this blog.. I haven't really talked a lot about it so hopefully I'll get into that.
Lastly, maybe I can do some reflection of last year and what I hope that will come ahead of me.
What's up ahead with this blog?
Well.. I guess.. around this time I went back to Vietnam.. so I guess you can expect me to post about my journey there.
And the name of this blog.. I haven't really talked a lot about it so hopefully I'll get into that.
Lastly, maybe I can do some reflection of last year and what I hope that will come ahead of me.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Happy New Years
Happy New Years ^^
Year's gone by past. So much has happened since last year. But I wanna leave most of that behind.
Moving on, I've been neglecting this blog lately.
I'll try to post more often in the upcoming days, excluding today of course (not that anything's gunna happen today anyways). But I just want New Year's off too hehe.
All the best to everyone :).
Year's gone by past. So much has happened since last year. But I wanna leave most of that behind.
Moving on, I've been neglecting this blog lately.
I'll try to post more often in the upcoming days, excluding today of course (not that anything's gunna happen today anyways). But I just want New Year's off too hehe.
All the best to everyone :).
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