It seems

It seems...

I'm mentioned a few times in this blogger about the time i started to view this world so badly at year 5 or 6.. But today when my mum was talking about my grandma being in hospital and having not long to live, i realised back in year 3 or 4 i had already started.

Back in year 3 or 4, I couldn't sleep or get nightmares that my loved ones would die soon. I realised at that time at how fast time goes. At that time, I had already looked back and saw how time flew so quickly when you realise your existence. As a baby, you don't know you exist. But by the time you're 4, it just hits you that you're alive. For me, I had to realise the cruelty of life by year 3 or 4, after realising my existence at 4 of course.

I looked back and I saw that it's been 3-4 years since I came to Australia and it's been so fast.

My mum said today at the table 'As the daughter, I would do anything to keep my parents alive, but their time will always come'. Something like that. And she's right.. Time's something I can't stop. Change is something I can't. Silvery hairs are things I can't stop. Wrinkly skin can't be stopped. I'm just repeating things too much but it's true.

Up till year 8, everything was still fun. Now it gets all serious and stuff. But I'm not doing so well.

It may be irrelevant but I thinking of this stuff reminds me of the time I used to catch dragonflies in Vietnam with my cousin. I was really good at it and I'd never harm them. And then there was the time I saw the silkworm moths and they were so beautiful. And we humans are just so cruel. I hate us so much.