Birds

Birds..
There's something about those creatures that always capture my thoughts..
I look up to them cos they're free.
I really like birds. I've had pet birds before. They never stayed with me for long.

Birds die here and there.. but it just so happens that I come across them when they're dead more than others.
Mum came home today and told me that there was a drowning bird and a dead one (well I wouldn't say it was drowning but it was struggling to fly out cos of it's wet wings).
They were in our rainwater buckets.
Mum said that the dead one was there a few days ago.
My dad probably couldn't hear it struggle in the water when he was outside because his hearing sucks.
The one that did die was rather large compared to the one that was still alive.
Perhaps the other one was its mother/father and they were looking for him/her.
I don't know.
I got the bird out and laid it in the sun in hopes that it'll dry off and fly away.
It did.
I hope it doesn't get sick though.. it was a rather tiny bird after all.

As a kid I had always wanted a bird for a pet, one that would fly away and come back to me or even one that wouldn't fly but instead hop around on my shoulders.
The imagination of a kid..

But.. seeing these things.. it takes a part away from me; I seem to somehow lose a bit of myself. I don't know how to describe this feeling..
Is it some form of emptiness? Perhaps..

I really like

信任不是指沒有誤會
而是總會給對方把誤會解釋清楚的機會

I really like some of these quotes.
They're really nice.
I think Chinese writing looks so nice/philosophical in general.
Yeah...

如果他真的喜歡你
他會主動打電話或發簡訊給你
他會在乎你所發生的事情

你快樂時 他就會很開心
你難過時 他比誰都還要擔心

因為他怕會失去你
因為他很在意你
因為愛你 沒什麽值不值得的

On the other hand.. Vietnamese sounds so weird to me.
But I have heard people recite some passages in Vietnamese and it's really effective in the sense that it sounds like poetry. For me, when saying certain things in Vietnamese it is indeed poetic and calming.

If there's..

"If there's someone you truly liked, there will always be a part of your heart that will always belong to them."

:')

I still remember when I first listened to this song..
it was a Thursday..

I want to keep believing.

Life of a tiny animal

Every time there is a tiny ant on me.. or a moth.. in my room or on me.

I try my best to set it free outside.

And every time I do.. it reminds me of someone's words. Long lost words.

Having touched silk worms.. it affected me.
I'm going to raise them once the HSC is over. Just a couple this time..

Also.. I'm hoping that I can start using a piano after the HSC..
I wanna play that instrument and maybe in time.. perhaps, make something that's unique and mine.. something genuinely mine.. something.. none other can claim its theirs.

I really want that feeling again.. for once.. Something to be..

Just mine.

Being apart

I can't blame you Melody.. I'm looking back at those photos you sent me.
Those screen shots of our conversations..
Being apart really sucks..
I don't know how to feel any more..
I stopped saying those sweet things..
Oh I don't know..
I feel so bad that we had to part like this.. I could have made it better.  I really could..
But what am I doing.. sitting here going over the same thing by myself..
This was back when we were in school together.. then it changed.

I did make a promise though. Everything would be better after the HSC. I kept telling myself that.
It really was.. I was able to picture things in my head pretty well..

Now all I ever do is blabber.. Good ol' Henry.
I never liked that aspect about myself.. It's really stupid and immature.

Sigh..

What can I say..?
I made a wish to that blue crystal you gave me Melody. I wish that we'd be happy..
That didn't mean that we would be together.. It just meant that both of us would be happy.
You're happy now.. and I will find that same kind of happiness I hope.

I ask myself sometimes.. why do I write/say these things.. They seem so unlike me..

"why do you even love me..?"

"Cos you can put up with me, and i can put up with you and none of the girls I've loved can do it that?"
:'(
Anyways, I'll try and not post any more of this any more.. I'm sure people get sick of reading this kind of stuff.
I'm just.. really stupid.. and stressed.. and I need someone to be here for me all the time like when you were. It was very sweet of you.

Hehe

Smile :)

My favourite Chinese has got to be Weixiao.
It looks and sounds cool.

A letter to be delivered at 00:00.

Where do I begin..? I don't know.. I've thought about this for a while.. It's been stuck on my mind. A lot's been on my mind lately.. and I really shouldn't have had any space for it but I did.. I don't know why. I'm such an idiot.

I guess.. 

I could start off by saying Happy 20th Birthday Melody.

I hope you have a great day with the people you care about. Don't eat too much spicy food..

I don't know what words are to you.. and how they make you feel.

You can be really cold when you want.. and I'm quite jealous of that..

I wish I was stronger, like you. 

I don't have that much confidence in myself. I wish I did. For a while I thought I did.

You're 20 years old on this day.. and I remember you making a big deal out of it..

Whatever you're doing today.. I won't be a part of it.

I don't think I would've done much even if I had the chance..

HSC exams are coming up so to be honest.. there wasn't much I was planning on doing this year for you even if I had the opportunity. But.. it means a lot to you.. does it?

Ahh.. the HSC.. what does it do to couples.. Or is it the couples that do it to themselves?
I'm not sure..

I've always seen the HSC as a test.. even for couples..

I think.. I didn't manage my time well at all.. and so I've failed a part of this test because I lost something that's dear to me.

But I promised myself that everything would be alright after the HSC is done.. The promise wasn't just for me.. it was for us.

I'm such an idiot for hurting you.. I let my emotions get the better of me.. I wish I could control it..
I've tried and I'm still trying.. I'm jealous that you hold yourself so well. You're happy while I'm stuck here like an idiot. I really wish I could change myself.. but then that would mean I lose myself.. Ahh I'm stupid..

I remember when I first listened to that song.. It sent chills down down my spine.. and it still does..

Thank you Melody.
P.S I didn't make the video.. I don't have the time..

如果你還愛我

我帶著一顆疲憊的心走了
我知道自己在你心裡已不重要
雖然我們曾經相聚過
也許對於你來說
已經沒有什麼值得回憶
我帶著一顆沉重的心走了
我知道自己沒有勇氣道別離
雖然我們曾經擁有過
但是對於你來說
已經沒有什麼值得回憶
難道早以注定
不能真正擁有你
難道我真心付出一切
只為了承受孤單和寂寞
我知道你不敢對我坦白
是不要看到我的傷懷
雖然你沒有說要離開我
我已經感到你不再屬於我
如果你還愛我
你不會對我如此的冷漠
又怎會讓我在漫漫長夜獨自徘徊
如果你還愛我
你不會對我如此的冷漠

我只能含著眼淚
默默的離開
難道早以注定
不能真正擁有你
難道我真心付出一切
只為了承受孤單和寂寞
我知道你不敢對我坦白
是不要看到我的傷懷
雖然你沒有說要離開我
我已經感到你不再屬於我
如果你還愛我
你不會對我如此的冷漠
又怎會讓我在漫漫長夜獨自徘徊
如果你還愛我
你不會對我如此的冷漠
我只能含著眼淚
默默的離開
如果你還愛我
你不會對我如此的冷漠
又怎會讓我在漫漫長夜獨自徘徊
如果你還愛我
你不會對我如此的冷漠
我只能含著眼淚
默默的離開