Hating yourself

In life, the best thing you could do is to hate yourself.

I'm glad this has been one of my morals (if that's the right word).

When you make a mistake, blame yourself. And that's why life is full of regrets, well, at least mine is. Every time I look back, there's always a mistake. That's what being a human is after all. Still... others don't hate themselves I think. I just do.

And, the game of DotA just reflects on this idea. In DotA, if I lose a game, I look back and see what I did wrong. I try not to blame others unless it is that obvious. Well with life, it's the same. I can't blame any one but myself but unlike DotA, there isn't a second chance with most of these mistakes. There's only room for improvement.

It's the same with relationships. Every time I lose a person I love, I look back and see the mistakes I've made. They're quite obvious actually, and I don't know why I don't pick them out when I am during that relationship.

But I guess I've changed my views on relationships a couple of times.

These recent posts have been rather short.

Ihope the next one will be more interesting. I hope I can update this blog frequently, maybe once a day or sometimes once every two days. But to come up with these ideas.. I need to look up at the sky and dwell deeply. Wish me luck.

Welcome back

Hi I'm Henry, nice to meet you again.

Welcome back. Please stay.

Don't change.

And just a random Titanic quote.. I love that movie :'(.

Jack:
"Well, yes, ma'am, I do... I mean, I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count."

Teshima

This blog post is dedicated to a man called Teshima.

Teshima is the creator of a free arcade shooting game called Silver Knights.

I've stopped playing Silver Knights, but it was one of the few greatest games in my childhood. I used to wake up very early to play it and it somewhat got me very excited. My legs would jump every time I was smashing a button (don't laugh at me). And I remember my parents walking past each time, commenting on that bad habbit. I took control of it eventually.

Anyways, the whole point of this post is to thank Teshima and wish him the best of lucks. As you may have guessed already, he's a Japanese. He lives in Japan (don't say "no shit") and earthquakes have hit Japan so often in the past few years.

Silver Knights was Teshima's dream. He made it cos he enjoyed it. He would put it on hiatus now and then, but every six months or so he would come back to that "project" (the game is still in development but it's awesome).

It's been two years since the last update for Silver Knights. The last feedback that Teshima suggests that he will be getting back to it. As for the meantime, all us Silver Knights fans have our fingers cross.

I(we) hope that he has recovered from the problems.

Dreams have been destroyed, relatives have probably been lost. Good luck Teshima!

New start.. Perhaps

Ignore my previous posts if you can...

Anyways, I'm hoping for a fresher "beginning" for this blog :/. Warning though, it's still depressing.

So we were at Sydney today.. and I made the observations as usual.

But before that, I had to find a way to get there of course. What really interested me was the fact that my dad offered me a lift. It was sort of unusual. I don't talk to him much and he doesn't either and I hate myself for that. My mum said the other day that she's ashamed (not exactly the right word but somewhere around that line) of me cos I don't open conversations with them (my parents). And I thought that I would visit them in the future when I move out.. but what would I say to them.

I'm a bad son.

So my dad was driving me and it was all quiet. Normally, I would walk to the station but he offered me a lift. When I was about to get off the car, I wanted to say thank you for the lift and say bye like any good son in Vietnam would.

I didn't have the courage.

And that had made me thought of the time when I did do that kind of stuff. I'd say hello or bye to my parents formally everytime I leave or come home with an added bow. I don't do that any more.

Moving to Australia has been different. The expectations, culture and everything is so different. My mum says stuff like "Don't be like the kids over here, they're rude". And it's just so hard to be like that. Fitting in and all. I remember vaguely this one time when I came home from school in Australia. My mum asked me "Why don't you say hello and bow" and so I did as she asked. Before, I wouldn't have to be asked to do that. Now, I don't even do it at all.

So in Sydney there were bums on the paths holding signs asking for help and I felt helpless myself. Every life has a story behind them and it gets me thinking. Yes, this part does not make sense. But perhaps, the whole point of some of my posts are to get people to think each individual line and somehow connect them with the next line. They're merely fragments of my thoughts; there's just so much to say for me.

And then as we walked using the pedestrian lights or whatever, I noticed how crowded it was.

China here we come.

Sleep

Sleep is a way to escape one's life momentarily. It is as if you only escape it in the blink of an eye though.
It's a time when we blink to open our eyes to a new day, hoping that it would be better.
But within this blink, we have dreams, nightmares and that we must bear unless we want to wake up to a night which tomorrow has not started.

Then there's death.

That feeling

Anyone ever had that sudden feeling when they're all worried..

and then you have a heavy feeling

and then you feel dizzy.

Oh wait, no one's reading this blog.

Thoughts

Having suicidal thoughts is scary.

You think about all the grief that you'd create..

Then again, who would grieve over my death.

Hopefully, perhaps, there might be one person who might.

I don't know if they would anymore, nor would I believe any one else would.

After all, I doubt.

Happy new god damn another year.